Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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