Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
