Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
