If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
