My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
