There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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