I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Randomize
