That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
