I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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