Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Randomize
