based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Randomize