YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
