I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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