a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
