sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
