forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize
