yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
