I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
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I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
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I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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