Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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