Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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