had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
soo... how was my night?
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