If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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