Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
