I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I can't put those talents on a resume
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
