My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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