I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
