Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
