quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
