His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
