well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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