You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
nutella sex= disaster
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
