Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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