the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
