I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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