i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
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