walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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