I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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