The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
