I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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