I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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