5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
