Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Boobs are out for the taking
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Randomize
