he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
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