My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
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