I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
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