Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Bring me that man meat
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
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