Whatcha textin bout Willis?
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
