Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
