I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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