youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
