so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
