Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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