oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
