...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Sober January is a disaster.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
