so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
