you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
