Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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