I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
You've changed since you got that strap on
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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