I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
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I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
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I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
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