The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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