So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
