"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
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I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
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