I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
