I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
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