3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
