I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
