If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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