I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
