My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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