Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
