can we get nightvision for the apartment?
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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